TO SET AN EXAMPLE

‘If it was the other way around, would you help Papa?’.

‘You mean, if I made more money than he did and saw him struggling to give you guys things? Of course!’, I exclaimed.

I was in awe of the thoughts going through his mind as he saw one parent trying to give him and his sisters as much as possible whilst the other parent focused on his desires and continued punishing me for the divorce.

I explained to my son that children come first and that I will do whatever I can to give them what they need. And sometimes the things that are more than basic necessities, if possible. Such as the protective case I bought him this morning. One he needed for the iPhone his father bought him as the old case was broken. A replacement that his father refused to spend money on even though it was necessary. My son was truly grateful and surprised it arrived the same day I ordered it.

Choosing to be transparent with my financial situation serves my children better than making them believe that everything will be fine. That life has no struggles and that money is endless. When they see that life has challenges and we then have choices to make, they will remember those situations in their adult lives and not be surprised one day when they discover that money doesn’t really grow on trees, so to speak.

The day today involved scrambling to find a flight to see my mom and sister in California for the time that I have the girls next week. Having only become of aware of their coming to see me on Friday, there was no time to plan anything in advance. Also, having to work during that time doesn’t allow me take vacation, though by now I have only two vacation days available that I am saving for next summer’s trip to Croatia with the children.

Unbeknownst to me, my mom texted the children’s father to ask him if he could help by paying for the girls’ plane tickets because it has been four years since she last saw us and because she has an open-heart surgery coming up in about a month’s time. She knew it would be financially difficult for me to pay for all four tickets and decided to help by asking him. So far, no response.

I then texted Cinnamon to let her know we will be going to see Nona next week and to see if her father would pay for her and her sister. It was a long shot, but at least I tried. After a series of texts, it was determined that he was not home and that she would ask him when he returns from yet another flight lesson. When I sent her the ticket costs, she exclaimed that it was too expensive.

In reality, the cost of the tickets from Austin to Sacramento is typical but can been seen as expensive when one has no money. Knowing almost with certainty that the children’s father will not help out, I booked the tickets on credit. Sometimes when you have no other choice, you have to go further into debt. For the sake of family. But also, to set an example to your children that as parents we do whatever we can to provide for them.

Certainly, we adults need to look after ourselves as well. Taking time for hobbies and activities which enrich our lives but never at the expense of our children’s well-being. They are looking to us to model their lives.

How we act and what we do for them will set the tone for not only their character development but their parenting style, should they choose to have children of their own. It also serves as a basis for all of the relationships that they form in life. As parents, we are here to set an example for our children.