BETTER THAN EXPECTED

It was a late showing at 21,30. Much later than our usual moviegoing time, but we wanted the upper back seats along the wall. The ones we always choose when going to see a movie. The wait was worth it. The movie was better than expected.

The day started out with my having to take the minivan to the shop. I couldn’t risk the car breaking down on our way to the movie theatre tonight. It had started shaking last night after we returned from the Moviehouse & Eatery where we bought tickets in advance. A short drive from our home.

The repair took half the day and so far, no shaking. When your almost 15-year-old car starts falling apart, you can either repair it and hope it lasts longer or you can replace it. I chose the less expensive option at this time as spending a few thousand to repair it will be far less than monthly payments.

With the car repaired and the work day over, I had my son try to rest a little before the late showing. That lasted less than 15 minutes. He simply couldn’t sleep. We were both excited to see the new Top Gun movie. I remember seeing the first one at the theatre when I was a teenager but cannot remember who took me or who was with me when I saw it, seeing how long ago that was. In the 80s.

‘It makes a lot more sense having seen the first one’, my son let me know as we started to watch the movie. We found the original movie on Amazon Prime on Tuesday night, but watching it in on a computer monitor simply does not compare to seeing it in a theatre. My son agreed. I noticed he was still checking his phone and asked him to put it away.

His father kept texting him about the cruise after my son asked about the rooms and my being able to come. More like punishing him for even daring to ask if he could have a ‘family’ vacation which included his mother. The guilt was very apparent and bothered my son greatly.

‘I can go if mama goes’, he texted his father.

‘I’m sorry. This will not be possible as we didn’t get a ticket for mama’, an excuse as I had previously expressed interest at going.

‘How much are the tickets?’, my son inquired as I was willing to pay for a chance to spend vacation time with all three of my children.

‘Sage I asked you beforehand if you wanted to come…I don’t have money to waste when you switch your mind…’, though he never asked me if I was okay with that.

‘I’m sorry but mama doesn’t feel comfortable with me with Frannie and didn’t you say the tickets were free?’

‘Well we bought the tickets and got discounts…’ so went the excuses after initially, three years ago, he said they got a full refund when the ship was ‘damaged’.

In fact, it was the family that was damaged after the incident with her son which resulted in him, his brother, and his mother being kicked out of the home.

‘…you need to do what you need to do. But one thing I can tell you is that in the future I will not ask you or take you, bc I do not have money to waste…in the future, you have to vacation alone, or with Mama’, says the man who bought a boat and now wants to buy a plane.

‘I just wanted to have a vacation that the whole family is together counting mama’, was my son’s last reply.

Before we walked in the theatre, I had been replying to my girls who asked if they could come to my place on the 19th for over a week as their father would be out of town visiting his friend in California as he does every year. ‘There will be rules’, I texted back. The oldest somehow thought she would get to be at friends’ houses the entire time. I don’t think so.

I then texted him to communicate directly with me instead of through the girls as they had their own ideas about what they would be doing. Also, I knew the oldest would rather not come over but was told to do so. More than likely because I was the convenient and safe choice.

Shortly after we returned home, we sat in my son’s room and talked about how awesome the movie was. The story was great with the integration of the old movie characters, especially Val Kilmer’s Iceman role. My son was spinning on his new gaming chair that we built last weekend when he noticed his headphones on a hook on his desk. This triggered a memory of the time he went to the Razer store with his father to get them.

‘He actually said that?!’, I was speechless for a few minutes. My jaw dropped open. I was unable to move for quite some time as shock took over my body in utter disbelief.

‘Yeah’, my son replied.

‘What did he say exactly?’

‘We walked into the store and the salesman asked if we needed anything specific. Then he said ‘No, I’m just his credit card’, I saw the sadness in my son’s eyes. But also, the frustration and anger brewing.

‘Why didn’t you tell me this before?’ I asked.

‘I just remembered it when I looked at the headphones’ he replied.

His father made an excuse last month that he didn’t get him a birthday present but that they could go somewhere to get him something. He mentioned the headphones or something else to do with computers and thought that the opening of the new store would be something they could experience together. However, his father had no interest whatsoever at being there as he begrudgingly drove him there after his flight lesson that morning.

I told my son that if he had told me this before, I would have had him return the headphones and would have bought them for him myself. This was more than ‘rude’, as my son commented. It was cruel. It was toxic. I told him not to ask for anything from him anymore as this would always be held over his head.

When things turn out in ways unexpected, we can either sit and wonder what we did wrong or we can get up and turn things around to meet our own expectations. I let my son know that you should always be firm in what you want, even if it means you will disagree. State your views. Don’t be afraid of them. Don’t make excuses for them. And never waiver from them.

When you realise that people will never change and that they will always make you feel inferior, that is when you have to decide to avoid or minimise interaction with them. Not only for your mental health, but for your growth as you move forward.

I explained to my son that he gets to decide how others treat him. Sometimes the results will be less than favourable. Other times, it will be better than expected.