VINDICATION
For more than six weeks, most of the world has been watching the drama of a toxic relationship unfold online day after day. Something private that should have stayed behind closed doors. Yet, with such prominent players in this display, it was difficult not to notice the latest developments revealed on social media.
The daily account of the trial of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard exposed not only their personal lives, but also the inner workings of the law in determining who can prove they are less wrong. It was a study in psychology as we observed human behaviours during the court proceedings. At the same time, it was fascinating to watch the interactions of the lawyers, the judge, the expert witnesses, and the two main characters as they tried to convince the other side of their version of the truth.
In a case such as this one, there are no clear winners or losers. In fact, both Johnny and Amber were found at fault for one reason or another, with Amber bearing most of the fault. Johnny got what he wanted. Vindication. He can now move forward and hopefully put this all behind him. For the rest of us, there are lessons that can and should be learned from this trial.
In addition to adults watching these proceedings, many of the younger generation have been exposed to what was said between the two actors by way of their browsing TikTok. Snippets of recorded conversations played out as well as highlights of the trial itself. As parents, we need to make sure our children are careful when choosing their partners in order to avoid such toxicity.
There is a tendency for good and bad to exist in all of us. The people we choose to surround ourselves with will either bring out our worst side or our best. Certainly, there are times when we choose to believe that things will get better or that we can somehow change the other person. But that sort of thinking is mere delusion. We are unable to change anyone but ourselves and need to either accept others as they are or move on to someone who will bring out the best in us.
Another issue observed in this case is one of age. What we strive for in our 30s is quite different from our 50s. Such a large age gap of more than 20 years is more likely to cause a discrepancy of needs. As we age, we get more quiet and less needy. We tend to push away unnecessary drama as life is too precious to waste on such things.
For some, the solution is to run away from the conflict. To avoid stress. To let things settle. But the younger generation still has a need to fight. To control a situation. To prove they are right without admitting to any wrongdoing. In general, the wisdom of life’s experience is simply not there for someone who has not put in the time needed in order to claim that knowledge. Though a large age discrepancy in relationships could work, most lean towards a disfunction due to lack of understanding.
The trial was important in order to set the precedence for men who are abused by their partners. Society ingrains in men the need to be tough and to take the abuse. As a mother of a son, I want to make sure that he sees the red flags clearly from an early age. ‘If a woman wants to record your conversations, run!’ I tell him.
I would hope that my daughters learn to not be needy but to depend on themselves and to put themselves first. The notion that we are not complete unless we are with someone is giving the wrong message. It lets both men and women to believe that we are unable to function without a partner. But we are more than capable of surviving than we realise.
At the point where we start to depend on others for our happiness and survival, we start to take those people and things for granted. We feel entitled. We start to demand more. It takes two to create a relationship and two to destroy it.
Nobody will ever know what truly happened behind closed doors of the players in this trial but we certainly were able to see the worse brought out by being with the wrong person. It’s not always easy to escape such toxicity. As such, some people end up staying far too long.
Perhaps they are being blackmailed. Perhaps they have gotten used to the drama. Or, perhaps they simply do not want to be alone. Whatever the reason, sometimes the decision to be alone is the best one for us. The peacefulness and absence of the fight or flight response cannot be overlooked.
As we put the past six and a half weeks of peering into the private lives of two celebrities behind us, we should take time to reflect on our own relationships. To see if there is anything we can do to improve communication. To avoid fabricating the truth. To attempt to express our needs with calmness and respect. Only then can we move forward and live a fulfilled life devoid of drama.
