TO BE EXCLUDED

‘They moved me to another group’, I heard him announce matter-of-factly from where he was sitting on the sofa, working on his homework.

‘What do you mean? What group?’, I called out from the kitchen. I had just got home and thought he was talking about the group from his Entrepreneurship class.

‘Band’, he replied. ‘…because they said I didn’t talk to them before joining’. He didn’t sound terribly upset.

Apparently, there was a deadline to put your name on the signup sheet for this weekend’s trip to Schlitterbahn. My son decided to join a group where he knew one boy in his Symphonic band class. His friend in the Wind Ensemble band class was already part of a group that had no more spots left.

‘It happened to someone else in another group’, he continued and let me know that a girl was kicked out of her previously assigned team just because the group did not want her to be there.

‘That’s not right’, I sympathized. No, I was not going to fight this battle with another email to yet another teacher. Though it upsets me as a parent to see any child excluded, the realisation is that this is simply a part of life. Even as an adult. Some people are unwilling to be open to expanding their social circles, and there is nothing you can do to change that. What you can do is find people who are willing to make you a priority and will show you the respect you deserve.

My son was already hesitant about going, seeing how his friends were in classes other than band. Having to be excluded just makes the situation much worse. When I tried to use the argument of this being the way teenagers are, he explained he knew many teenagers who did not act this way. In his opinion, the kids who excluded him and the girl were just being spoiled.

‘It’s a free trip!’, exclaimed my son. He went on to explain that nobody should complain about who is in their group as it is a free trip. He certainly had a valid point.

In the meantime, I got a text from my older daughter asking if she and her sister could come over for Sunday breakfast. I had been excluded from their lives for more than a year now, so it was great to hear from her. I missed our special Sunday breakfasts together.

‘…what r u planning on making’, she asked.

‘You’ll see…’, I texted back.

‘I wanna know tho… I won’t tell seena’, she pleaded.

I told her my initial plan, but she had another suggestion she preferred more. I gladly agreed. I also let her know that I was making banana bread tonight and would be sending some with her brother to take to school. She seemed to like that idea.

The reality of life is that there will always be someone who will either like you and want to be your friend or not like you and try everything to get you out of their way. Spending time worrying about not being accepted into a group leads only to your spending time you could be using to either do something on your own or finding other people with similar interests to yours.

Life is too precious to waste on those people who are unable to see past their reflection in the mirror. To be excluded from those people’s lives is truly a blessing as they will never have time for anyone but themselves.