EVERYTHING AT ONCE

‘Smile’, he urged as I walked in and closed the door behind me, tossing the keys on top of the nearby wooden cabinet.

I managed a weak smile which lasted but a split second. It was the best I could do as it was just one of those days. A day where the realisation of how everything at this point in my life is not how I would like it to be and not knowing how to make everything the way I want it to be.

He could see that I was irritated. I didn’t want my son to see me upset, but I also didn’t want to make it seem that everything was fine and happy all the time. To pretend and have a fake smile plastered on my face. I want him to know that it’s fine to have an off day, week, or longer.

This morning it happened to be my letting something get to me that I shouldn’t have let get to me. Words that I most likely took the wrong way even though they were the truth. This afternoon it was getting out of the house five minutes later than I had planned, which meant sitting in traffic that seemed not to move. Knowing there is a high probability of our being late for kickboxing class. I cannot stand being late, especially to something that matters.  

When we think about the why, the reason we let other’s opinions of us change our mood, we realise that what really matters most is what you think of yourself. Other people’s opinions of you are just that. Opinions. On the other hand, people who do not really know you might be able to show you something you are afraid to admit to yourself. Something you don’t want to hear but that needs to be heard.

The time when things start getting to us is when everything happens at once. That breaking point where we need to figure out how to make it into a turning point. Most of the time, we believe we can do this on our own. Without anybody’s assistance. But sometimes we do need others to help guide us towards a better path. Mentors, instructors, and strangers who are simply trying to help.

There will be those days. Days where something someone said or did sets the tone for the rest of the day. Sometimes we can’t help letting things get to us. They just do. At that point it becomes better to walk away, if you can, or just say nothing until the following morning, hoping that the night puts to rest the feelings which surfaced the day before.