HOPE AND PROBABILITY

The house was devoid of the sounds which make a home. The sounds of children running around, laughing and fighting. The presence of another adult with whom to have conversations after the children have gone to bed. The clanking of forks on the plates around the dinner table with everyone vying for their turn at telling the highlight of their day. Today was a quiet Sunday alone.

I busied myself with pushing furniture around to match the vision I had in my mind. I pored over pages on IKEA's website looking for simple and affordable solutions for both storage and dining. I browsed floor plans on Taylor Morrison's site in the most affordable area in Austin though once you add options the price is anything but affordable.

One day, I thought. One day I will have a house I can call a home. One day my family will be complete with the hope that someday soon my boyfriend will join me in the States. Though he does not need to move here nor has a burning desire to do so, he lets me know that he wants to move for me.

There are days like today where the probability of those hopes and dreams coming true is low. The dependencies are many. A home loan requires a job which depends on someone taking a chance on you. Then when you get that job, the life you once knew ceases to exist and takes on another form instead which one hopes to be better than before.

Though we should live in the moment and not worry too much about the future, at times this is easier said than done. On days like today I wish to fast forward to the future when he can take me in his arms and tell me everything will be ok. One day. For now I continue to wait.