Apr 24

Apr 24 HOPELESS FRIDAY

Some days are good. Some days are not so good. Those 'not so good' days are the ones where we tend to overthink every move we make. We wonder if we made the right decision to move to a new place. We wonder if we will ever catch a break in life, when the clouds will move aside and the sun come shining through. We think, and then think some more until we can no longer think. And we become hopeless as options cease to exist.

This morning's drive to work was a steady five miles per hour on Mopac. It took me well over an hour to get to my destination in south Austin after having dropped off the children at school. The stormy weather contributed to today's delay. I worked alone for most of the morning but was glad to keep busy. I am not the type of person who can sit and do nothing. Being idle is not in my nature but I know at times I need to learn to simply sit and relax.

The dark, overcast morning did not help my state of tiredness and frustration. Frustration at the current situation and not knowing when the time will come when things are better. Frustration at being separated from my boyfriend for so long and not knowing when the time will come when we will be together. Whilst working, I sent an email to the staffing agency inquiring about next week. The email I received back both angered me and made me sad. I was told my inflexibility in my work schedule is causing me to lose job opportunities.

Sitting at my desk, I shot back an email to the lady telling her I will not apologise for having a family or wanting to be there for them whilst they are still young. I know in time I will have to find a suitable childcare solution but only after I get a suitable job where I can afford childcare and limit the time the children are away from home and family. For now, I need to keep looking for an employer who understands the struggles of single parents needing to maintain a healthy balance between work and family.

In the midst of life's storms we become hopeless. We cannot see past this moment to a brighter future which awaits us. I realise a year from now I will look back on this day and wonder why I ever doubted the sun would not emerge from those dark grey stormy clouds of life's adversities. Until then I will do whatever I can to move forward and make things better for my family.