LATER TO NEVER

Motivation wanes when we feel we have all the time in the world. We put things off until later, only later sometimes becomes too late. We also have a tendency to refrain from doing something because we know the situation will not last too long. In my case, it was never setting up this residence to where it felt like a home because I knew I would not stay here too long.

My boy kept asking me when I would set up the other closet and bathroom in the second bedroom. Months earlier I had said 'later' but now it is simply 'never'. Neither of the two bedrooms was ever set up. Neither were the closets. I stacked my belongings mostly in the garage knowing the boxes would have to wait a year or two to be emptied.

We took what we needed and forgot about the rest. Some things we could do without, other items were left behind, and still others will need to be replaced because of them being left behind at the old house - such as many of the children's toys which have never made it to my place. But those are simply 'things' which matter little when compared with inner peace and the pursuit of true happiness.

Perhaps I would have bothered if the children were with me full time. Perhaps it would have made a difference had I accepted this townhouse as my home from the beginning. The truth is, I never did. I wanted to move out shortly after signing the lease, but knew it was not possible without consequences. So, I stayed. I took my time to move because I could, but circumstances were such where I really did not care too much.

There was the divorce, travel, a new beginning, and attempting to make sense of all which had happened in a short span of time. I cannot begin to imagine what goes through the minds of my children and how this all has affected them. Some people say children are resilient. Others say they should be shielded from the 'bad' of this world.

Children know only what they are exposed to. If they grew up with parents who argued constantly, they will believe it is normal and will go on to establish such relationships in the future. I did not want this for my children. In this case, I wanted to shield them from the 'bad' they grew up with by leaving and starting anew even if it meant being alone. Some relationships are never meant to be. They simply do not work. At such point we need to assess the situation and move on if there is nothing left worth our time and effort.

Albeit there is no need to rush through life, it is also not wise to keep putting off things which can be done now. Many times I wished I had left the marriage earlier but had I done so, I never would have met my boyfriend when I did. There is no such thing as a 'perfect' time. 'Now' is the only time as later might never come.