SIX NIGHTS

‘I am traveling from Thursday to Friday the following week…The girls are coming to you.’

Such was the email that my children’s father sent to me early last week. There was no discussion of any kind. No asking whether I would be in town and available. Just the typical demanding and rude tone to which I had become accustomed, and the only part of the current custody order he chooses to abide by. The one of the Right of First Refusal.

The last time he contacted me had to do with getting the passports renewed for our younger two children in June so that he could take all three children to Cancun in July which required expedited processing. Yet, any email I send for something I need goes unanswered. Such as asking for the passports to be renewed last year or needing a travel document signed for upcoming winter travel with our son.

Certainly, I was glad to hear that I would be seeing our two daughters. The last time both girls stayed at my place was June of this year when their father went to stay with a friend in California whilst stepmother refused to watch them. The time before that was January of this year when this latest more extreme form of parental alienation took place. The time he told me to keep our son at my place due to the toxic environment at his house and then let me know that he would tell our daughters he was divorcing his wife. He later denied having asked me to keep our son, stayed married to his wife, and decided to simply keep our daughters away from me as revenge.

When he sent the email, I immediately thought he was travelling for work and that his wife did not wish to care for our daughters again. What I discovered was that he left for Germany with his wife and baby daughter to visit with friends for a school reunion during Oktoberfest and had the girls fend for themselves with the stepmother telling them to find friends to stay with, but not to overstay their welcome by more than two nights at each friend’s house.

When Thursday evening came around and I saw no girls or response to my email, I began to wonder if I had misread his email and the girls were coming the following week. I then sent another email to my ex asking him to clarify the dates that the girls were coming. Still no email and no girls on Friday night. Early Saturday morning I called CPS and the police department to help me find the girls.

The officer from the Austin Police Department did a well-check at their house but did not find the girls there. He let me know that he remembered having gone to that house before and informed me that this is not a criminal issue but a civil one. He added that this needs to be resolved by communicating with the father. Well, I thought, there would be no issues of parental alienation if there was communication.

After my emails to the father went unanswered, my other course of action was to try getting a response from my middle daughter. I texted her, asking what she would like me to make for dinner. To my surprise, she answered me with her requests and both girls ended up coming to stay with me for the next six nights.

The experience of having all three of my children with me was surreal. I am certain there were a few moments of walking on eggshells. Trying not to do or say anything to upset the girls. As much as I tried to take photographs every day to remember the rare time, I was met with much resistance. Even though I did not manage to make many photographs, those images will live in my mind.

Memories such as making crepes for our Sunday breakfast, which also included a dead tarantula that Cinnamon found on her walk with a friend before breakfast and one that she put on her sister’s pillow. Other memories include going to the mall with the younger two whilst the older daughter spent the day at her friend’s house. But the most time we spent together involved sitting around the table eating dinner during the week. Though short lived, those are most memorable moments.

The past nine months have been a whirlwind of emotions and a life of mere existence. Wondering why my daughters suddenly did not want to talk to me or anyone from my family, including their only living grandmother. The issues we have dealt with in the past year included abuse and suicidal ideations of which I had been accused of causing. In the span of a month, my middle daughter went from loving me more than anything to completely ignoring me.

However, this past week has shown hints of the previous daughters I have known and ended this afternoon with my getting hugs from both girls. But only after first asking, as I have come to respect that they have grown into teenagers who are able to make some decisions for themselves which involve boundaries they wish to keep.

I am very grateful for the progress thus far from both the girls and what my son and I have gone through as we navigated everyday life without his sisters. The observations I have made from this experience were that once children are away from the clutches of the alienators, they will eventually be able to come to their own conclusions about the truth. In addition, even though they are not allowed to show their true feelings, they are somewhere deep inside of them. Children do not suddenly stop loving the parents they have always loved but they do have to exhibit a sort of self-preservation in order to survive. In the end, the truth will always come out. Sometimes it takes longer than we would like but lies will eventually be uncovered.