In the face of uncertainty, we do what we can to move forward. But what do we do when the uncertainty is greater than we think we can handle? What do we do when the odds are against us and everything we encounter seems improbable and impossible? It is at such time we feel like giving up, throwing in the towel, as the options seem to have vanished.
Two more job rejections came in the form of an email today, to add to the one two days ago when an employer balked at my request of a salary which would allow me to buy food instead of simply pay rent and utilities. Every day I sit at my computer and scour the job postings and send out my resume. Then I sit and wonder how it is possible that nobody is willing to give a single mother a chance to better her life.
There are perhaps more things I could do to improve the situation. Returning to school is one option. It would mean figuring out an alternate path, getting into debt, and facing the possibility of employers choosing to hire the younger generation instead of a woman in her mid-40s. Settling for a low-paying office job is another option. The dilemma is not simple to solve. The words 'you will fail' and 'I will be surprised if you succeed' from my ex-husband run through my mind at times like these.
My children depend on me to provide them a stable home and the basic necessities. In the absence of this, it is likely they will be taken from me if I am unable to provide these things for them. I will do all I can until all possibilities are exhausted. For the time being, I will focus on continuing to send out my resume and on making the move to the new place.
The Three have now left until next week. They return on Easter weekend and are looking forward to our Easter egg hunt and picnic. Children, unlike adults, are able to look past imperfections and embrace us for who we are. They do not place such high expectations on certain situations and are more apt to adapt to changing circumstances. They live in the moment as should we.