"It's time for the boring housewife to travel", I tell my husband.
"Your anything but a boring housewife", he replies. Yes,
I speak my mind. I'm controversial, hard headed, insistent,
persistent, and now longing to go somewhere - to escape...if only for a while.
This week was kind of a tough week. It gets that way at times...especially when you start feeling the walls caving in. Random thoughts cross your mind - some shared and others you'd wished you hadn't shared. Life can be both interesting and strange but change is inevitable if you're ever going to 'snap out of it'. Sometimes people try to understand, but you don't want to risk bringing them down in case they don't.
The truth is that I haven't been away from my children since they were born - not even for one 24-hour period. Before you have children you think you won't lose your identity. You fight it and then it happens. Before long, you're sporting the dumpy clothes and neglecting your looks. Those tall black boots that take five minutes to lace up are replaced by flip flops and slip-ons. The once red hair has faded into a mousy brown mess that gets pulled back and clipped with a hair claw. Makeup doesn't even enter your morning routine as you're glad to even get a chance to shower for longer than three minutes. The face looking back at you in the mirror is a person you no longer recognize.
Your house is a mess and sadly you learn to accept it. Of course the possibility is still there where you could go get a job and pay someone else to raise your children. You could paste that fake smile on your face and pretend the day away but in reality you know that it's difficult. Get a hobby, meet up with friends are the suggestions. Hobbies I have. Friends - not so much. True friends are difficult to find. You know, the ones that know what you'll say before you even say it.
I'm well aware that my desire to take an exotic and expensive trip overseas in November is only but a dream I wished would come true. I imagine a plane ride where I can sit and read without anybody asking for something every 30 seconds. I imagine sitting at cafes drinking a double espresso and people watching before heading out to look for castles and random people to photograph. I imagine being able to be alone with my thoughts and finally getting a restful night's sleep after 7 years. Then going to The Hydro to see Depeche Mode perform on the 11th. A girl can dream...
"You need to get a traveling job" are the last words I hear as the lights go out this night. So tomorrow it's back to the dishes, the never-ending piles of laundry, toys strewn about the house, and crap piles upon crap piles of everything and anything that will never be organized.
Perhaps no one will read this but I felt compelled to write down what's going on at this point in time. Thoughts and dreams that cross our minds in this randomness of life.